I Won't Let Go

Over the weekend, friends of ours shared their first dance as husband and wife to a song that had me fighting back tears.  Music always has a way of pulling bottled emotion from my very stubborn psyche.  It's no surprise that my hormones are a little out of whack, so a weepy pregnant woman isn't much of a stretch.  I've had alot on my mind lately and these lyrics hit home for a different reason. 

First time pregnant women get lots of advice...most of it unsolicited and inappropriate.  While there is some truth buried in these statements, what overweight, tired, hormonal woman needs to hear:  "Get ready to never sleep again."  "Forget a social life."  "You think you're tired now?"  Honestly people, do the world a favor and steer clear of a future in motivational speaking.  My favorite was "Are you waking up hungry?  Then it's a girl."  Lady, I am p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t.  I'm always hungry.

Something no one can prepare you for is the lifelong emotional investment you're about to make in your children.  In Dylan's first 13 months, I've felt love like I never knew, pride watching him reach his milestones, peacefulness during the sweet mornings of just laying in bed together, frustration during a tantrum, relief when a grandparent offers to keep him overnight, guilt when I've woken up that same night missing him, joy watching his personality develop, defensiveness when people associate every winter cold or eating habit to his condition, fear when I face Dylan's reality, hope that he will never be made to feel different, blessed when I see him growing strong & overcoming the odds, sadness when I'm reminded the hospital stays & surgeries aren't over, gratefulness for all God has done and faith in knowing that this is only the beginning of His blessings for our family. 

My favorite of all is denial.  I prefer to live in my comfort zone where everything is fine and I'd rather not talk about Dylan's road.  I don't believe in crossing bridges until you come to them and, for now, our family has the right to relax and enjoy our healthy son.  A time for anxiousness isn't far away, but until then you can find me in my happy place.  But when that time comes, I'll be ready with my game face on & as strong as I was the first round. 

I have so much love for my son and can only imagine having the room to love Maci just as much.  My heart might just explode.  I thought this song was perfect to dedicate to my children.  As they grow up, the hardest part for me will be seeing them get hurt, experiencing heartbreak & getting knocked down in life.  I will do anything and everything for my kids and I can only hope to be a steadfast presence for them in this world gone crazy.  A mother's love is unexplainable, but this pretty much hits the nail on the head.

PAUSE THE ABOVE PLAYLIST


"I Won't Let Go" by Rascal Flatts
It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost
On your own
You're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah, I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No, I won't